Sometimes We Expect Too Much From Someone Who Has Never Given Us Anything

We spend a lot of time waiting for things to happen. We hope that our wishes are fulfilled, that others react as we would. And above all, we want those we love to respond to us in the same way: with reciprocity. However, our expectations are seldom met.

Despite this, we should not be frustrated. People often take things for granted to get a sense of security. In the same way that every child is certain that his parents love him, we adults tend to believe that our partner will do the same thing that we do for them at all times.

But, we should never stop thinking that affective relationships should work like this, as we intend. Hence, it is necessary to pause and reflect on the disappointment of expecting too much from someone who, in reality, has never given us such expectations. We invite you to reflect on what goes wrong when there is an imbalance between what we expect and what we receive.

When we expect everything and receive nothing

There are those who have incorporated into their being the idea that happiness is in giving; not so much in receiving. Perhaps it is our education or nobility that, when it is excessive, is detrimental to that other essential value for survival: self-esteem.

Receiving is as important as giving

It is necessary that we begin to put aside many of those concepts that violate our emotional balance. Giving others the possibility of being happy is an act of nobility that enriches us as people. You can even see it as an obligation: Giving is good, but receiving is part of the same need to experience affection.

• We are not talking, of course, of material goods; neither, of favors. When we do something for someone, we must not wait for that spontaneous act that comes from the heart to be returned to us.

• What we have every right – and even the obligation – to receive is respect. If you give love, they should not give you back coldness or selfishness. This is undoubtedly an essential aspect in the affective field.
• In our relationships, “giving and receiving” is a right and an obligation. It is a type of energy that is created between two people that both feed on to grow. That force ignites every day the engine of hearts that should know that respect is reciprocity.

We wait too long because we are willing to give much more: something to reflect on

You may have, on occasion, come across someone who rebukes you with expressions such as: “You expect too much from people.” Or, “You are too sensitive and everything affects you” …

• They are phrases that undoubtedly reflect a lack of empathy towards the person who is willing to give everything for others. As much as they hurt the person who is the object of misunderstanding, these words, however, put a reality in front of their eyes that cannot be ignored if they want to overcome it.

• You could tell yourself that “I have to learn to love less.” But not. Actually, what you should tell yourself is “I have to learn to love myself more.”

To love, therefore, is not to give up part of oneself to house the other person. We can love her, but not for that, put her at the center of our personal universe or build our whole world around her. If that were to happen, our world would collapse if that pillar failed. And, this is something we should never allow.

So, you should never forget yourself:

• Don’t forget to pamper yourself every day, not to over-prioritize others to the point of neglecting yourself and your personal affairs.
• Offer affection, worry, have details … In return, you should expect the other party to do many of those things for you as well. Give yourself courage.

How to react when we realize that we are waiting … but we have never received anything?

Your heart will tell you how far you can go. Do you wake up every day with more worries than illusions? Are the urge to cry and frustration the lines on which all your moments are written? So, it is time to react.

• Who does not receive anything, remains empty. And, furthermore, you may come to think that “maybe you don’t deserve to receive affection, details, attention or consideration.”
• Do not do it, do not allow the emptiness and the emotional absence of others to make you believe that you do not deserve to be loved.
• Self-love should never leave you. It is he who will give you the strength to redirect you towards personal balance, towards that long-awaited inner peace.

Some psychologists believe that it is best not to expect anything from anyone and to expect everything from ourselves. However, this idea should be qualified.

People need to expect certain things from those who form our personal and affective circle. We need to have, for example, the assurance that we are loved, because no one can live with that uncertainty.

What we deserve -above all- is respect, from ourselves and from others. Therefore, work to receive it and distance yourself from those who do not provide it (not even in their own way). Love is reciprocity, support and sincerity. Without these three pillars, no relationship will be authentic or healthy.